It's a strange world, but oh so much fun!

I was reading a travel blog this morning and was reminded of several adventures of mine as I read of the blogger's travels through Central and South America. Traveling in places where you don't know the local customs and don't speak the national language can result in some interesting and occasionally embarrassing moments.

On my very first trip to Panama, I was approaching Panama City in my rental car, returning after wandering around the country for ten days or so. I had no hotel reservation or even any real idea of where I might wish to spend the night. I knew that I didn't want to drive too far into the city at night, so I decided to pull over into any flea bag hotel that looked like it had a vacancy. I would figure out where to go and what to do in the morning, after a good night's sleep. I noticed a very small Hotel sign from the highway, decided to take a chance and pulled into the parking lot. The parking lot was empty.

I got out of my car, walked to the front desk, and asked, in English, if they had a room available. The woman behind the desk spoke no English at all, so I handed her my passport, a credit card, and made motions as if signing a register. She pulled out a form, I signed my name, and then details concluded, she led me up to the room I had been assigned. She left, and I lifted my suitcase to the bed to unpack clothes for the next day.

I decided to turn on the television. Maybe I might pick up a word or two of Spanish while listening to the news or watching some sitcom. It was an old TV, the kind that had a push-pull button for the off-on switch and a round dial-like knob to change channels. I pulled the switch to turn on the TV and proceeded to unpack.

I have lived a full life and not much surprises me. I heard sounds coming from the TV that sounded like two extremely energetic people having a very good time, so I turned towards the television to watch. Sure enough, there was a hard-core movie playing. I like sex as much as the next guy, but the action in this movie was so improbable, and the actors so far from anyone's embodiments of those vaunted 'beautiful people,' that I moved to change the channel. The next channel offered much of the same fare. The participants weren't any more attractive than those on the previous channel. I turned the knob again and again, but all that was available on the TV was those two channels featuring hard-core porn.

Weird. Panama City is a cosmopolitan, sophisticated place. They have cable and satellite TV available everywhere. So, why only porn on TV?

I looked around the room. The lamps on the nightstands looked like they might have been someone's idea of brothel-chic. I walked into the washroom and noticed that the wrappers on the soap bars had little red hearts on them. It finally dawned on me that I had registered in a tryst hotel, the sort of place where you take your lover or mistress for some carnal exercise and where no-one asks any embarrassing questions or cares what you do.

I figured that if the proprietors of the hotel didn't care what I did, I might as well do something completely atypical for the place, something no-one else had ever done before or was likely to do in the future.

What did I do? I unpacked my stuff, turned out the lights, and had a good night's sleep. Alone.

What did you think I was going to do?

Reality Sets In

I'm back in Canada. I left warm weather and sunshine and returned to the first winter storm of the year in Southern Ontario. The top picture was taken on Tuesday, in Panama City and the bottom picture was taken on my way in to work this morning.

What's wrong with me?

More from Boquete, Panama

I am sweltering here in Boquete, even though the area is touted as having almost perfect temperatures of 65 - 72 degrees Fahrenheit year round. I don’t know what the temperature is tonight, but I am soaked to the skin. It is noticeably cooler than in the Tonosi area though, so maybe I just feel hot because of the very high humidity.

I went for a walk several times tonight, covering most of downtown Boquete. The place was hopping with Panamanians out for a good time. I saw a few obvious visitors from outside Panama, but not many. I ran into Reinhold yet again and he told me that there was a hangout about five kilometres out of town where the expats hang out. I couldn’t be bothered heading out there. I am more interested in the local flavour. I see plenty of North Americans at home.

I did run into one gent at my hotel who told me that he was originally from Vancouver but lived in Utah for the last fifteen years. He is visiting Boquete to see if it might be a good place to live. His first impression: He doesn't think so.

I think Boquete would be a perfectly acceptable place to live, but not necessarily a good place to invest at the moment. Real estate values have spiked because of all the hype about Boquete and I think the market for upscale homes, or even average homes geared to gringos, is overpriced. Prices are not much cheaper than they are in London, Ontario. Of course, they have the perfect temperature here, no heat or air conditioning costs to pay and just about everything except for the real estate is inexpensive. I'm sure the prices will continue to surge upwards here, but if I wanted to invest in a real estate market bubble, I could just as easily do so at home.

I'm still going to look, though. Maybe I can find a finca (farm) in the area for a reasonable price and sit on it for a few years. Local taxes are low, so there isn't much in the way of ongoing costs to hold a land investment. Of course, there is the opportunity cost, whatever you could have earned had you invested the money elsewhere.

We'll see.

If you are a young man, looking to come to Panama to make your fortune and perhaps find a gorgeous Latina while you're here, this may also not be the place to be. There is no shortage of beautiful Latin women here, but the ratio is not what it is in the lowlands. I may be a happily married man, but I'm not dead. My eyes still work. My brain still processes data reasonably well. I believe that the area between Panama City and the Azuero Peninsula is the place to find that dream Latina.

I know my wife will forgive me for saying this because, after all, I am merely giving advice, not planning a defection myself. Let me put this all into a context any red-blooded American male can understand: If you like Salma Hayek, Jennifer Lopez, Penelope Cruz or Paz Vega, come to Panama. You will see facsimiles of these beauties in dress shops, in offices, chatting with their friends in public squares, in fact just about everywhere. Now, are you ready for the really good news? You will find their even more beautiful sisters, the ones who adore gringos, right beside them.

Of course that is just my humble take on the subject. I could be wrong.

And that’s it for this time... Good night.

What a View - Near Tonosi, Panama

I spent most of the day today looking at smaller parcels of land, not far from Tonosi. The owner, an expat American, is subdividing 1,100 acres of his land, providing rudimentary road access to each lot, and water and hydro to the lot line. I picked a one Hectare sized plot on a mountainside, and it will be graded to provide a flat ‘pad‘ to build on. I won’t mention the price, but it was reasonable.

At the bottom of the mountain, is the Pacific Ocean. The view is spectacular and the ocean breezes cool down the otherwise hot and muggy atmosphere. I don’t know if I will personally ever build on the plot, I’m not yet ready to get off the treadmill and maybe never will be. We’ll see.

On our way to look at the land, the owner stopped in at the local police station to report that someone had stolen two barrels of diesel fuel from a remote part of his land, value about $250.00. Two policemen came with us to the site, investigated the crime scene, followed some footprints and the marks where the barrels had been rolled down a hill to the ocean, took notes about a fishing boat that was in the area and got all muddy in the process. Total time expenditure on their part, about four hours. The owner of the property bought us all lunch in a little fishing village nearby on the way back to the police station.

Now, try to imagine that sort of attention from the police in your area.

I am staying again in the same hotel as yesterday. Tomorrow, as soon as I can, will be heading first to David and then to Boquete. That means probably eight or so hours on the road.

Panama City, Panama

I am in Panama City, Panama, spending my second night at the Country Inn & Suites right at the famous Panama Canal. The Bridge of the Americas is practically in the back yard of the hotel. It's a nice place to stay, if you're ever down this way. Great staff too. It's not for those party animals who are looking for active night life nearby, but it is ideal for anti-social fossils like me.

Tomorrow, it's off to points west. Not sure how far I will get, but it doesn't matter. Everything is so lush and beautiful here, it's a pleasure to look at the scenery and take it easy.

I thought that everyone in Panama City would speak English as well as Spanish. Not so. I asked directions several times when I arrived yesterday and while everyone I spoke to was very pleasant and tried to help, I was more confused afterwards than beforehand. I finally approached a group of young people chatting outside a store and they were a big help. Turned out that two women in the group work as translators in an international call centre here and their English is excellent. They both happened to be on holidays and were kind enough to take me on a tour of Panama City today. I'm sure I saw much more of the city with their help than I might have on my own.

If you are a timid driver, don't drive in Panama. No-one obeys any rules of the road. Stop signs, lane change and turn protocols are all ignored. When there is an opening in traffic, whoever moves first and has the strongest nerve wins. I love it. I haven't had this much fun driving since I drove at 170 kph on the Autobahn from Frankfurt to Cologne in Germany. That is as fast as my little rented car would go. Real cars passed me as if I was standing still, even at that speed.

I'm having a blast. Panama is a great place to visit. I like it.